rating all of the twilight movies a decade later
- Film Pedia
- Oct 12, 2020
- 8 min read
in the last month or so, i decided to humor myself by re-watching all of the twilight movies, then, i decided to write a post on them. i realize that it has, in fact, been a decade since they came out, and there's probably thousands of satirical reviews just like this one out there, but nonetheless i thought it might be fun to have a go.
The First One- 6/10
i cannot stress enough that the soundtrack and setting are the saving grace of this movie. one thing that i think differentiates this movie from the others is the 'indie' feel of it; one of the first things that directed me to feeling that way about it is the blue lens filter. it adds to the 'gloomy' effect of Washington weather, as well as the way Bella feels about it (did i mention that this is a review, and not just a criticism? there's been enough criticism on these films.)
i think Edward's character in the first movie plays a huge role in the romanticization of manipulation in relationships. if he wasn't a century-old vampire, he would just be an abuser.
"i hope you enjoy disappointment." -Edward
i hate everything about Mike's character, and i know that's not really a criticism because its just an opinion, however it will bring my rating down for every second of screen time he has.
i know, that its common to criticize Kristen Stewart for her acting in Twilight, but since my first viewing of this movie, I've seen a lot of films with her playing a lead role, and shes really a genuinely good actor, so when i re-watched Twilight, i concluded that this is literally how she was supposed to act. the monotone, awkward voice, the long pauses, and the heavy breathing were all a part of Bella's character, and not a result of bad acting.
in the book, the teen romance portion is the majority, however, the film makes a drastic switch in plot at the near halfway point; thus cutting off everyone's favorite: the baseball scene. bad editing decision in my opinion.
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." - Edward
Another bad editing decision was the one to make Edward's supposedly blindingly sparkling skin barely noticeable, and i cant forget the shameful way in which they edited Edward's running and climbing abilities.
in order to balance out the scales i must say that the scene where Bella is driving out of forks and she sees all of her school friends having a good time together, insinuating her subtle longing for a simple life, and realizing how her life will never be 'normal' again, gave me chills, as a sucker for symbolism of any kind. that being said, i still think that if the whole series was about Alice and Jasper, the movies would have a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.
I'll finish this portion by adding some of my favorite quotes from the film:
1) "I feel very protective of you." - Edward
2) "I like watching you sleep." - Edward
3) "My monkey man." - Rosalie
New Moon- 5/10
the first film had a sort of "indie" feel that i really loved, however this one has a much higher budget and of course the beloved blue lens and handheld shots are not there. that being said, i think the higher budget was executed well nonetheless.
The song 'Roslyn' by Bon Iver plays in the moments leading to Edwards departure, and i think that is means to say that yet again, the saving grace of the films are the soundtracks. however, a negative thing i noticed is the camera framing in this movie, for some reason nearly every shot lingers strangely long, is slightly off center, or seems to be a pointless addition to the final cut (eg: the 3 second 'montage' of Bella and Jacob fixing a motorcycle, that seems to only have been added to show off some cool editing skills.) maybe that's just my opinion. regardless, i'm taking points off for it.
*hyperventilating* - Bella
I'm not sure what Stephanie was trying to do with this book, i think she had intentions of establishing a relationship with Jacob, but Bella's feelings for Edward never waver... the only moral i can gather is that Jacob is an Incel.
another 'saving grace' of this film is the continuous shot with the months passing by. i know that's what everyone says but i cant help but fan-girl a little when that happens. i think its a really good depiction of what it feels like to be numb, just going through the motions, not paying any mind to the outside world. of course, with any pro i mention, there seems to be a con. in the same way i hated Mike in the first movie, i despise Jessica in this one. i really wish Bella was closer with the beautiful angel, Angela. solely for the sake of this film not being a total bore, i am in full support of Bella becoming an adrenaline junkie.
"Its a wolf thing." - Jacob
more points are coming off for Bella'a idiocy. how did it take Jacob turning into a CGI wolf before her eyes for her to realize that he was a werewolf, but in the last movie, it took about 15 minutes of detective work for her to find out Edward was a mythical being. how could she not put two and two together...
Alice is a cultural reset. i am literally raising my original rating of this because of how in awe i am of Alice's beauty and stature. she is everything to me.
Eclipse- 9/10
The first thing i will say about this movie is that it definitely has a horror aspect about it that makes it different, and better (in my opinion) than the rest of the films. Thanks to director David Slade, who has a history of directing horror movies like 30 Days of Night, and Hard Candy. Another thing that elevates this movie for me is the fact that Bella has a real personality, and stands up for herself. Whereas in the previous two, she lacked the depth of a main character. more honorable mentions for things i liked about this movie include the scene where Jasper trains the vampires and the werewolves in preparation for the newborn army,
the imagery of what a dead vampire looks like (like shattered porcelain,) and the near-friendship of
Jacob and Edward.
I really don't have anything negative to say about this movie, except maybe that Edwards sparkles are night prominent enough to even be noticed, but that's nothing new.
"This speech is gonna be epic" -Bella
Breaking Dawn Part 1- 4/10
the first thing i noticed straight off the bat, is that we as an audience, have not gotten the proper rundown on the physical anatomy of a vampire. is there some type of exception to the glitter rule when they're in Brazil? because in the entirety of the honeymoon scene, i see no glitter effects on Edward. Did they forget?
"As i like to call him, "the hair" - Jessica
the second thing i noticed is that they decided very suddenly that they were going to implement wolf telepathy as a key part of the dialogue; and, its awful. i could not stop cringing and i don't know if its because of the execution of it, or if i just hate the idea of it.
"you will be slaughtered" - Jacob
similar to the fist thing i mentioned, they really glossed over the laws of imprinting. I find it very strange that when Jacob explained the idea of imprinting in New Moon, he conveniently left out the part where its not always a romantic endeavor.
i feel like there is a lot of things that come to play in this movie that are not fully explained in the previous movies, making it seem like these things only exist for the sake of the viewers enjoyment, or even to just fill time.
people might hate me for this, but in my opinion, this is the worst movie of the series.
the wedding and honeymoon and imagery are all great, but they don't really contribute to the story at all, and it seems like they could have cut a lot of it out and make breaking dawn a single movie.
Breaking Dawn part 2 - 8.5
In comparison to Part 1, this movie is a breath of fresh air. Vampire Bella is so lively and in many ways, this 'newness' is what i loved about the first movie as well; coming full circle.
all of this excitement came crashing down as soon as i saw that horrific CGI baby, though. however, i have to remind myself of how much of a step up this is from what we could have had.
the only other thing i want to point out is that Rami Malek is basically the avatar, which in my head is a Freddie Mercury/Avatar/twilight crossover. that is all.
I don't have much to add to this movie, as it was pretty straightforward close to the movie, however i will be adding points for the best misdirect of all time with that anticlimactic fake fight scene; but then taking those points right back off for this atrocity:
They were given the perfect opportunity to give Edward and Bella a dreamy secluded cottage (as it appears from the outside) but instead opted to decorate the interior like every upper middle class christian white mom would. it looks unoriginal, cluttered, and the color scheme is just ugly. the exterior had so much potential. here are some images to give an idea of how i think they should have executed the space:
I'll finish this portion by adding some of my favorite quotes from the film:
1) (in reference to falling in love with a newborn) "its a wolf thing." - Jacob
2) "you nicknamed my daughter after the Lochness monster??" - Bella
3) "should I start calling you dad?" - Jacob
To Conclude: an analysis of themes
the first theme i noticed is one of singularity. they take one small part of being a villain, and dramatize it, and take it so far to the extreme that any other "scary" elements don't apply anymore. for example, Edward isn't weakened by the sun, or garlic, or a wooden stake, but he is bloodthirsty. this element of vampirism is the main carrier of the entire plot. another example is the wolves, they aren't ruled by the moon, and they have control over themselves in their wolf form, but they have the element of imprinting, which in a way, is an element of horror in itself, right? the idea that you could just drop to your knees one day and suddenly your entire universe is revolving around one person? and there's a possibility of that person being a baby???
looking to the deepest theme i can find, i discovered something else, i think the reason so many teens adore twilight is that it conveys the idea that 'you're not Happy now, but you will be' due to the awkwardness and emotional turmoil that teen-hood has on you, and the constant promise that you will find love, and it will sweep you off your feet. the key point I'm trying to make, though, is that none of those promises are in your control. the love will sweep you off of your feet, it will come by surprise, it wont be a choice you make. the films celebrate powerlessness, and in fact i don't think anyone made an independent decision in the entire saga. this also explains why none of the characters are very well developed (although that's probably just due to bad writing.)
ps. Alice and Charlie are the best characters
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